Get off my Lawn

At what point did I become a complaining, "back in my day," crotchety old man?  I've decided the best choice is to vent my frustrations before I become an ist (racist, sexist, ageist, etc.)  First, I'd like to establish a fact.  I am not a Millennial.  I am not a Gen-Xer, perhaps a Gen-Y, but not a Millennial.  I've read the blogs about the Oregon Trail Generation and Xennials, both I agree with.  I had computers in my entire education, but also remember riding bikes until the sunset and not worrying about being abducted every day.  Here are the things I hate in my mid-30s.

1.  Coca-cola Freestyle machines.  This piece of crap took beverage delivery efficiency back 50 years.  It's great that you can make the ultimate suicide drink, but how about figuring out a way to keep 15 people from standing in line at a Sandwich/ Burrito shop?  Too much choice is killing us.  Remember when you had to choose between Sprite, Coke, and Diet Coke?  It's no wonder, my kids have anxiety when I they play rock, paper, scissors.  They are frozen in pre-regret.  How do you teach dealing with buyer's remorse when they can literally choose a Vanilla Sprite Zero?   And don't get me started on the ice maker portion of these monstrosities.  Ice pours out creating a mountain the perfect height for my 6-year old to scoop it into her cup.  Sanitation be damned.

I'm not saying the technology is bad, but the delivery slows down a process that messes with my lunch.  I've already had to find a table for 4 and wedge in a high chair covered in dried slobber Cheerios.  I've already ordered my food and have 4 cups to fill with no counter space to place the cups.  And where in the hell are the lids.  Seriously, you want to give me a different cup when I order water, fine.  But there better be a lid.  This 8 month old will spill my cup, and some 16 year old with zits is going to need a mop bucket.
Did you know there is an app for this?  Seriously, it will show you Freestyle locations so you can scan a QR code to preset your beverage.  I might download it so I know what restaurants to avoid.


2.  People who ask stupid questions on social media.  Mostly this goes toward people in my HOA Facebook Group.  In the age of Google and massive telecommunications, why ask any factual question?  Before you ask John Q. Public, place your question in a freaking search engine.  Seriously, its OK to even use Bing.  I don't mind.  Perhaps, you didn't do higher education research papers, I know libraries can be scary, but before you ask everyone if there are any splash pads for kids in the area (and I'm just spit-balling here) you should search "splash pads near me."  We have all of the knowledge in the world at our fingertips, yet I still see people asking "What day is the first day of school for my kid?"  Really, that's embarrassing.  Now if you look it up and have further questions like, "I know the first day is August 7th, but I've not been able to find information on what is required on a 2 hour school day."  then that is different.  It shows effort.  I think effort may be the thing that is lacking in our society.  Of course I can be incredibly lazy in other facets of life.

3.  Band-aids (and all other knock-offs).  When did this stupid thing start solving the worlds problems.  First of all if it has a cartoon character on it I can 100% guarantee it will fall off or be picked off within an hour.  I ran low on my on supply of bandages for my Achilles surgery a few weeks back and had to pilfer a Paw Patrol bandage.  That rubbery piece of junk miraculously only stuck to my leg hair, but not my skin.  What the hell, what kind of voodoo science is in that adhesive? Let me explain via a flow chart.

Ice packs are a close second in our house, but a kid could have a severed limb and they would still think a Band-Aid could fix it.  

4.  Banking.

Till next time, 

Skylor